OMG SHE'S POSTING!

Why, hello there.

Let's get rid of the awkward, "OMG I totally promise to post every day" antics.

Because I wont. But, after reading some other blogs, and sprinkling a few too long status posts in on my Facebook, I think it's time to start back up again.

(I missed you, too.)

So what's been going on since March of 2010? WELL, WELL, WELL, let's catch up, shall we? (Note: I did NOT lose my love affair with CAPSLOCK, clearly)

Well, let's go a little further back to when I came home from Iraq. I came home, lived with my manfriend at the time. We were shopping for SHINY, SPARKLY THINGS! But it never seemed quite right... It never seemed...destined. I came to a point where I realized I was indignantly refusing to change my beloved VA license to a NC license. Dodging, finding reasons not to go to the DMV, (Costco! Target! Drive to Raleigh to search for Asians!) until the day I slowly realized that I didn't want to live here. I realized that this was not for me. That place, that house, that man, that loneliness. All, not for me. I hated North Carolina, and it's homogeneous state. I hated who I was becoming there... some faux-housewife in a house that wasn't mine.

So, I left.

I wish I could say that I didn't look back. I did. I looked back and kept painfully rehashing the "marriage that could have been". The manfriend and I stayed together for too long. I got an opportunity to return to my old job, and snatched it right away. I got a 500 sqft studio in the town I loved so much. I went to Korea with our delegation, and met Mr. President. I got invited to the White House Christmas party. I took my mom as my date, and she most definitely wrapped up cookies in a napkin, and put them in her purse. While the President was speaking.
With all that was going on in my life, I just slowly stopped calling the manfriend. I let it slip away, because that's what needed to happen.

I buried myself at the new job. Taking on new responsibility, meeting important people, acting a fool the whole way. Wondering, constantly, "I can't believe they let me DO this stuff."

Then, the job took over my life. Alone (but not lonely), over worked, tired, constantly stressed from work, I decided that it was time to leave that job, too.

I had found a new job.

A job where I DON'T wonder why they hired me. A job where I feel like, "WHOA. I know what I'm doing." A job that makes me thankful when I watch TV specials about families on food stamps. A job that sent me to Hawaii for a week for work.

It wasn't soon after I got The New Job when I found out through a mutual friend that my ex-manfriend had gotten engaged to someone.

Who was an Asian girl. (like me.)

Who was in her late-twenties. (like me)

Who was also in the Air Force (like me)

Who was also a flight medic (like me)

Who, for all intensive purposes, was me, 4 years ago.

A part of me died. A part of me was angry, enraged.

But all of me didn't know why. I was the one who left. I was the one who finally said that words that we both didn't want to say for so long.

"We are not supposed to be together, no matter how much we want it to work."

But that didn't mean it was easy. I explained to a friend, that I was actually so heartbroken, that I was physically in pain.

But that's over now. The pain subsided, and now it's a dull ache that arises every now and then.

Reading through the (somewhat embarrassing) archives, I see that I am such a different person that I was when I started blogging a while ago. And that is such a good thing.

Don't worry, though. There will still be many, many Mom stories. She lives about 40 minutes away from me now, versus a 20 hour flight. So, that means there's a new story every weekend. Get pumped.