Volleyball

Oh the joys of Adult Sports…

I played sports throughout high school… I loved it. But, I look back and realize that I took it Way Too Seriously. I realize now that the coaches really don’t care about you, and really? Does it matter whether you got an award at the end of the season? Does it matter whether or not you got in the Columbia Flier? No. Not any more, at least.

So now, when I play any sort of organized sport, I just take it lightly. Or at least I try to. I have been able to pick up sports pretty well… except one blasted sport. Volleyball. I’m horrible at it. I wish I was better. But... I'm not. I'm clumsy, and having to look up at something falling down at me while trying to stand up straight is apparently very hard for me.

But what was my point? Ahhhh... yes, after playing volleyball here, I’ve realized that there is the classic scene of adult sports… there are always four stereotypes on every team:

1. Happy-Go-Lucky Dude: This guy is really in it just for fun and laughs. He’s the guy who is not so coordinated, but is a blast to play with because he’s just plain ridiculous and laughs at himself. He’s the guy who cheats obviously and makes mistakes. If there is alcohol involved, this guy ain’t drivin’ home.

2. Whoops! Girl: The girl on the team that every time she gets the ball, it's “WHOOPS! I hit it outta bounds! Hee hee!” She often will make inappropriate jokes about balls, getting balls, etc. and is probably wearing spandex and some sort of obnoxious knee high socks. Even though she is awful, you’ll see her running around the court to get every ball, often crashing into everyone.

3. Chip on the Shoulder Guy: This guy will always suck the fun out of the game and mutters under his breath all game. Usually a balding guy in his early-thirties. He tells everyone to “PASS THE BALL!”, yet never passes to anyone else. He talks under his breath how everyone SUCKS at serving, yet when he serves? And it doesn’t go over the net? He was “just trying something new”. This guy does NOT realize that we are NOT playing Top Gun Volleyball, and he is NOT Val Kilmer. This guy hates Happy-go-lucky Dude, and never ever passes to Whoops! Girl. Ever. He and her are usually running all over the court, fighting for balls.

4. “I’m Basically Pro” Guy: This is the guy who is nearly 7 feet tall. He’s awesome. He’s actually good, but tries to be humble about it. Chip on the Shoulder Guy looks at him with envy. He tries to help Whoops! Girl, but it’s really pointless. Every once in a while, he does some awesome move and everyone drops their jaw.

Other than that, there are normal people, who just look at these four folks like there are crazy. Except I’m Basically Pro Guy. Everyone loves him.

My point? Dudes. It’s just a game of pick-up volleyball. No one cares who’s good or who’s bad. We’re just here for fun. But, if Chip on the Shoulder Guy gets in my way again, I’m going to kick him in the shins.