The Most Recent Annoying Thing Ever:
While at lunch at Pizzeria Paradiso (aka, Not As Good As Two Amys) with the fabulous Mary Lacey, our server sparked up quite an annoying conversation with me at the end of lunch.
Server: So, I like to play this game with Asian women
Me: What?
Server: You know, I like to try and guess their ethnicity
Me: Hmm. That’s really weird, and kind of inappropriate/racist. But I’ll play, if you raise the stakes. If you guess wrong, then the check is free.
Server: Well, I don’ t know about that.
Me: …
Server: Sooo, are you Korean?
Me: Yeah, yeah. Good job.
Server: I’m so good at this.
Me: Do you have yellow fever or something?
Server: Why did you have to bring it there?
Me: Because you did!?
Not but two minutes later:
Server: Well, my ex girlfriend was half Korean, half Black…
Me: **staring at ML, like, “I can’t believe this is happening”**
But it made me beg the question:
Why is it appropriate to ask?
It’s not like we were friends or anything. Or that he was also Korean, looking for the nearest Dry Cleaner or Liquor Store….
Moreover, why is it acceptable to ask this to an Asian woman? Had the conversation went like this:
White Guy: I like to play this game with Black Women
Black Woman: WHAT?
White Guy: What is your ethnicity?
Black Woman: *cuts White Guy*
It’s just ridiculous. Thinking back, I should have said to the Server (who was black), some sort of racially-motivated retort of “Black men always play games”, or something. But in choosing not to stoop to his level, he may never get the point of why it is inappropriate for a complete stranger to ask, prior to even asking my name.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Who Knew Your Armpit Could Be Sore?
Or: Why I’ve Realized That There Are Too Many Stairs In My Life
Or, OR: Ouch.
I joined a CrossFit gym… from my brief time so far, this is how I’d describe CrossFit…
Suffering.
Or, using every day movements (squatting, jumping, pushing, pulling) at a high intensity (repetitions or rounds) to achieve fitness.
(Sounds like suffering to me.)
See, I’ve had a roller coaster relationship with fitness. I’ve been in amazing shape; I’ve been severely under-conditioned (currently).
If you know me well, I’m an extreme person. 0-60 mph. Either I do nothing, and sit on the couch in my pjs and eat Pad Thai every other night, or I’ll get up off my ass and do some kind of work out every day. It’s a curse, actually, and what has caused my roller coaster relationship with fitness. If I’m gonna work out, I’m gonna do it well. If I’m gonna be fat, I’m gonna do that well, too.
So, here’s to hoping for a healthy, fit 2012. I attended my first “foundations” class last night. The gym makes you take 6 foundation classes to learn the basic elements and movements of CrossFit so you don’t injure yourself. I went to a trial class a couple weeks ago, and, I was in awe of the gals that were there, overhead pressing 65 lbs like it was nothing. And I’m still skeptical that I’ll ever get there… but we’ll see. For last night’s Workout of the Day (WOD), we did a 10 minute As-many-rounds-as-possible (AMRAP) WOD. (I work for the government and use acronyms all day, and now they are taking over my personal life now.)
Our instructor told us that we’d be doing squats in our WOD. I thought, “I got this. Look at these Mongolian Mountain thighs. I CAN SQUAT FOREVER. Koreans are the KINGS AND QUEENS OF KIMCHI SQUATTING.”
Then, he told us that we’d do push-ups and pull-ups.
Oh…merrrrr.
So our WOD was: 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups, 15 squats. We all had to do some modifications, because there was no way this girl can do a pull-up, but I was able to run through six rounds of the WOD. As we were all pushing through, it felt very reminiscent of Basic Training, with our Instructor walking around, critiquing, encouraging (okay, not so much like Basic), and telling us to go harder. Telling us that the only thing stopping us from doing another round was…US. That I needed to actually tell my body, “MOVE”. I could almost hear my Basic Instructor say:
“Pain in weakness leaving your body”
Today, I’m wearing my hair down and messy, because there is no way my biceps will allow me to brush my hair.
Weakness is leaving my body today. And I’m super proud of that.
Or, OR: Ouch.
I joined a CrossFit gym… from my brief time so far, this is how I’d describe CrossFit…
Suffering.
Or, using every day movements (squatting, jumping, pushing, pulling) at a high intensity (repetitions or rounds) to achieve fitness.
(Sounds like suffering to me.)
See, I’ve had a roller coaster relationship with fitness. I’ve been in amazing shape; I’ve been severely under-conditioned (currently).
If you know me well, I’m an extreme person. 0-60 mph. Either I do nothing, and sit on the couch in my pjs and eat Pad Thai every other night, or I’ll get up off my ass and do some kind of work out every day. It’s a curse, actually, and what has caused my roller coaster relationship with fitness. If I’m gonna work out, I’m gonna do it well. If I’m gonna be fat, I’m gonna do that well, too.
So, here’s to hoping for a healthy, fit 2012. I attended my first “foundations” class last night. The gym makes you take 6 foundation classes to learn the basic elements and movements of CrossFit so you don’t injure yourself. I went to a trial class a couple weeks ago, and, I was in awe of the gals that were there, overhead pressing 65 lbs like it was nothing. And I’m still skeptical that I’ll ever get there… but we’ll see. For last night’s Workout of the Day (WOD), we did a 10 minute As-many-rounds-as-possible (AMRAP) WOD. (I work for the government and use acronyms all day, and now they are taking over my personal life now.)
Our instructor told us that we’d be doing squats in our WOD. I thought, “I got this. Look at these Mongolian Mountain thighs. I CAN SQUAT FOREVER. Koreans are the KINGS AND QUEENS OF KIMCHI SQUATTING.”
Then, he told us that we’d do push-ups and pull-ups.
Oh…merrrrr.
So our WOD was: 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups, 15 squats. We all had to do some modifications, because there was no way this girl can do a pull-up, but I was able to run through six rounds of the WOD. As we were all pushing through, it felt very reminiscent of Basic Training, with our Instructor walking around, critiquing, encouraging (okay, not so much like Basic), and telling us to go harder. Telling us that the only thing stopping us from doing another round was…US. That I needed to actually tell my body, “MOVE”. I could almost hear my Basic Instructor say:
“Pain in weakness leaving your body”
Today, I’m wearing my hair down and messy, because there is no way my biceps will allow me to brush my hair.
Weakness is leaving my body today. And I’m super proud of that.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Roman Numerals
Mom: Amy?
Me: Yes?
Mom: Um...(looks dissapprovingly)... Do you shop at Ext-a-ra Ext-a-ra LARGE Forever?
Me: What??
Mom: I saw your shopping bag. It says "XXL Forever".
Me: .... What?? Show me what you're talking about.
Found from Google Images, but this is what the bag looked like...
Me: Yes?
Mom: Um...(looks dissapprovingly)... Do you shop at Ext-a-ra Ext-a-ra LARGE Forever?
Me: What??
Mom: I saw your shopping bag. It says "XXL Forever".
Me: .... What?? Show me what you're talking about.
Found from Google Images, but this is what the bag looked like...Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Bucket List... Revisited
Remember this post? In the past 3.5 years, I've thought about that list quite a bit. Wondering, "Have I done much of my list?"
Ladies and Gentlefellows: I present answers. (SPOILER: I've basically done nothing.) See my updates in (shocking) PINK!
Anything I didn't update was either because it was a.) too depressing that I haven't done it yet, or b.) too stupid that I can't believe I ever thought of it in the first place.
1. Get on TV and be famous for just a few days… for something good, not scandalous
2. Invent something useful like post-its, vitamin water, or those pencil grippers
3. Make enough money not to care about money Almost there, but I’m planning on buying a house, so THAT will be thwarted.
4. Adopt a full-Korean baby girl I learned that is may never happen, due to the strict Korean Adoption rules set in place to enhance the chances for domestic adoption in Korea
5. Learn how to cook a dinner where all the dishes come out at their appropriate temperatures at the same time YES
6. Go on a vacation with just my Mom
7. Go to the Olympics
8. Watch my sister get married and have a baby Annnnd, now that the show 16 and Pregnant has aired, let’s just make this CLEAR, Sister: Not any time soon.
9. Walk out on a job that I really hate. Quit and just walk out. (see #3)
10. Go to Hershey Park
11. Go to Disneyland
12. Have a surprise party
13. Travel across Europe on a train
14. Become a real nurse. And then become God a real mid-wife. I’ve decided that I don’t want to do this anymore. Ever. And that I made the right choice by entering my current career path.
15. Understand Pangaea Does Wikipedia count?
16. Understand Math. And learn to enjoy it Nope. But my friend Bonnie keeps trying. Currently, my progression is being able to do the simple Algebra in Target to figure out if it's more cost effective for me to buy the 6-pack of powerade vs the single, 32 oz. And, sometimes that doesn't even work out.
17. Have a day all about Me ME ME! beautiful wedding (sob)
18. Watch my kids play with LNA’s kids…in their mansion At the rate we’re going, her little son (!) will end up being old enough to BABYSIT my future children… sooo, that will count, right?!
19. Find a trustworthy car mechanic
20. Have someone named after me No, but with EVERYONE being pregnant this winter and due this summer, there’s bound to be an Amy Jr in the works, right?!
21. Go to Greece
22. Go here for a week
23. Find the perfect bag YES! GO BUY THIS
24. Not cry on my birthday (don’t feel bad—I’m just a brat) um… no. embarrassingly, I am still a brat.
25. Live in a different country (maybe #17?) Well, yes, technically, but not at all what I was planning on
26. Be on reality TV (apart from #1)
27. Sky Dive
28. Retire at age 50
29. Have a photo shoot
30. Work for Sanrio
31. Shower in a waterfall
32. Forgive and let go
33. Get really good at surfing
34. Bathe in the Dead Sea
35. Go Christmas shopping in Amsterdam
36. Not barf every time I smell curry Proudly, yes. I am now able to go to a Thai restaurant and not have a tandrum if I am sitting with/next to/within 5 feet of someone who is eating the Food of Lucifer.
37. Learn when to shut my mouth Getting better at my internal monologue.
38. Learn how to snow board
39. Learn how to whistle NO, and WHY IS IT SO HARD!??
40. Go on one of those Alaskan cruises
41. Learn how to play the piano
42. Own a pair of Manolo Blahniks
43. And some Jimmy Choos Yes, outrageous sale, Nordstrom Rack. And no, I DON’T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE because I have moved way too much. In fact, they are likely… lost forever.
44. Have a picture in Time Magazines “The Best Photos of the Year” edition
45. Pole vault
46. See Christ the Redeemer in Corcovado
47. Grow my nails
48. Get pink extensions
49. Experience a miracle
50. Swim with dolphins
51. Grow vegetables from my own garden
52. Run a marathon BAHAHAHAHHA. (no.)
53. Learn how to speak Italian
54. Buy a right hand ring for myself from Tiffany’s
55. Take an Outward Bound Course
56. And not complain the whole time
57. Bench press 150lbs
58. Go skinny dipping… sober
59. Learn how to throw pottery
60. Spend all day at Barnes and Noble reading books Yes! I did this and read all the post secret books. And maybe left a few secrets of my own between the pages… ;)
61. Get a Hello Kitty tattoo
62. Be graceful I tripped up the stairs twice this morning, so, that answers my question...
63. Buy really nice stationary
64. Send Thank You cards promptly Yes. I’m quite good. And also: Quite Judgmental now to those who don't
65. Live in Hawaii from Fall to Spring
66. Eat a ridiculously priced/amazing restaurant in NYC
67. Learn how to spell “restaurant” correctly the first time, instead of “restraunt” Why, yes. I am 27 and have finally mastered the fine art of spelling.
68. Go ice skating at Rockefeller center
69. Start a food fight
70. Have a puppy
71. Visit Napa Valley
72. Be a Key Note speaker
73. Throw several dinner parties
74. Watch all the seasons of Lost
75. Be a part of a live television audience
76. In addition, be a part of the audience on “Who’s Line Is It Anyway?”
77. Visit the set of Sesame Street
78. Purchase and own a Wii
79. Complete a damn Sodoku puzzle I dedicated the majority of a 20 hour flight to Korea on this one... and yet? NO.
80. Unicycle
81. Be a MOH
82. Go geocaching
83. Participate in a jury
84. Own a house. (No, you’re BANK owns your house. I mean OWN my house)
85. Perform CPR outside a hospital
86. Go to Bed Bath and Beyond and buy whatever I want. I've done this a bit too many times... and I live in a 500 sqft studio apartment, which as resulted in a lot of stacking...
87. Learn all the “Alt+” commands to make symbols
88. Be referred to as, “Kind”
89. Kiss in a walk in freezer
90. Learn to say NO
91. Learn to be more happy for other people’s achievements Mehhh, yes. But still finding that fine line of not letting it make ME feel inadequate. A piece of work, I am.
92. Race for the Cure
93. Create my own fragrance line (< - this is the most stupid item on the list. Who did I think I was? Kim Kardashian? SHUT UP, PAST AMY.)
94. Design the perfect shoe
95. Take a week of vacation, and just relax at home
96. Fork someone’s lawn
97. Attend Fashion Week in NYC
98. Go on a Safari
99. Go to a Billy Joel concert
100. Eat Steak Tar Tar Yes, and it’s now one of my favorite things EVAR.
101. Complete all 100 things! Not. even. close.
Ladies and Gentlefellows: I present answers. (SPOILER: I've basically done nothing.) See my updates in (shocking) PINK!
Anything I didn't update was either because it was a.) too depressing that I haven't done it yet, or b.) too stupid that I can't believe I ever thought of it in the first place.
1. Get on TV and be famous for just a few days… for something good, not scandalous
2. Invent something useful like post-its, vitamin water, or those pencil grippers
3. Make enough money not to care about money Almost there, but I’m planning on buying a house, so THAT will be thwarted.
4. Adopt a full-Korean baby girl I learned that is may never happen, due to the strict Korean Adoption rules set in place to enhance the chances for domestic adoption in Korea
5. Learn how to cook a dinner where all the dishes come out at their appropriate temperatures at the same time YES
6. Go on a vacation with just my Mom
7. Go to the Olympics
8. Watch my sister get married and have a baby Annnnd, now that the show 16 and Pregnant has aired, let’s just make this CLEAR, Sister: Not any time soon.
9. Walk out on a job that I really hate. Quit and just walk out. (see #3)
10. Go to Hershey Park
11. Go to Disneyland
12. Have a surprise party
13. Travel across Europe on a train
14. Become a real nurse. And then become God a real mid-wife. I’ve decided that I don’t want to do this anymore. Ever. And that I made the right choice by entering my current career path.
15. Understand Pangaea Does Wikipedia count?
16. Understand Math. And learn to enjoy it Nope. But my friend Bonnie keeps trying. Currently, my progression is being able to do the simple Algebra in Target to figure out if it's more cost effective for me to buy the 6-pack of powerade vs the single, 32 oz. And, sometimes that doesn't even work out.
17. Have a day all about Me ME ME! beautiful wedding (sob)
18. Watch my kids play with LNA’s kids…in their mansion At the rate we’re going, her little son (!) will end up being old enough to BABYSIT my future children… sooo, that will count, right?!
19. Find a trustworthy car mechanic
20. Have someone named after me No, but with EVERYONE being pregnant this winter and due this summer, there’s bound to be an Amy Jr in the works, right?!
21. Go to Greece
22. Go here for a week
23. Find the perfect bag YES! GO BUY THIS
24. Not cry on my birthday (don’t feel bad—I’m just a brat) um… no. embarrassingly, I am still a brat.
25. Live in a different country (maybe #17?) Well, yes, technically, but not at all what I was planning on
26. Be on reality TV (apart from #1)
27. Sky Dive
28. Retire at age 50
29. Have a photo shoot
30. Work for Sanrio
31. Shower in a waterfall
32. Forgive and let go
33. Get really good at surfing
34. Bathe in the Dead Sea
35. Go Christmas shopping in Amsterdam
36. Not barf every time I smell curry Proudly, yes. I am now able to go to a Thai restaurant and not have a tandrum if I am sitting with/next to/within 5 feet of someone who is eating the Food of Lucifer.
37. Learn when to shut my mouth Getting better at my internal monologue.
38. Learn how to snow board
39. Learn how to whistle NO, and WHY IS IT SO HARD!??
40. Go on one of those Alaskan cruises
41. Learn how to play the piano
42. Own a pair of Manolo Blahniks
43. And some Jimmy Choos Yes, outrageous sale, Nordstrom Rack. And no, I DON’T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE because I have moved way too much. In fact, they are likely… lost forever.
44. Have a picture in Time Magazines “The Best Photos of the Year” edition
45. Pole vault
46. See Christ the Redeemer in Corcovado
47. Grow my nails
48. Get pink extensions
49. Experience a miracle
50. Swim with dolphins
51. Grow vegetables from my own garden
52. Run a marathon BAHAHAHAHHA. (no.)
53. Learn how to speak Italian
54. Buy a right hand ring for myself from Tiffany’s
55. Take an Outward Bound Course
56. And not complain the whole time
57. Bench press 150lbs
58. Go skinny dipping… sober
59. Learn how to throw pottery
60. Spend all day at Barnes and Noble reading books Yes! I did this and read all the post secret books. And maybe left a few secrets of my own between the pages… ;)
61. Get a Hello Kitty tattoo
62. Be graceful I tripped up the stairs twice this morning, so, that answers my question...
63. Buy really nice stationary
64. Send Thank You cards promptly Yes. I’m quite good. And also: Quite Judgmental now to those who don't
65. Live in Hawaii from Fall to Spring
66. Eat a ridiculously priced/amazing restaurant in NYC
67. Learn how to spell “restaurant” correctly the first time, instead of “restraunt” Why, yes. I am 27 and have finally mastered the fine art of spelling.
68. Go ice skating at Rockefeller center
69. Start a food fight
70. Have a puppy
71. Visit Napa Valley
72. Be a Key Note speaker
73. Throw several dinner parties
74. Watch all the seasons of Lost
75. Be a part of a live television audience
76. In addition, be a part of the audience on “Who’s Line Is It Anyway?”
77. Visit the set of Sesame Street
78. Purchase and own a Wii
79. Complete a damn Sodoku puzzle I dedicated the majority of a 20 hour flight to Korea on this one... and yet? NO.
80. Unicycle
81. Be a MOH
82. Go geocaching
83. Participate in a jury
84. Own a house. (No, you’re BANK owns your house. I mean OWN my house)
85. Perform CPR outside a hospital
86. Go to Bed Bath and Beyond and buy whatever I want. I've done this a bit too many times... and I live in a 500 sqft studio apartment, which as resulted in a lot of stacking...
87. Learn all the “Alt+” commands to make symbols
88. Be referred to as, “Kind”
89. Kiss in a walk in freezer
90. Learn to say NO
91. Learn to be more happy for other people’s achievements Mehhh, yes. But still finding that fine line of not letting it make ME feel inadequate. A piece of work, I am.
92. Race for the Cure
93. Create my own fragrance line (< - this is the most stupid item on the list. Who did I think I was? Kim Kardashian? SHUT UP, PAST AMY.)
94. Design the perfect shoe
95. Take a week of vacation, and just relax at home
96. Fork someone’s lawn
97. Attend Fashion Week in NYC
98. Go on a Safari
99. Go to a Billy Joel concert
100. Eat Steak Tar Tar Yes, and it’s now one of my favorite things EVAR.
101. Complete all 100 things! Not. even. close.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Short Tidbits
As promised:
Among The Things You Never Say To A Pregnant Woman
My mom and I were talking with a recently pregnant friend. She’s not sharing her pregnancy (yet!) so I won’t name names, but it is SUPER EXCITING. Some background: the Korean alphabet is an interesting one. The consonant named Reul (ㄹ) romanizes in English to the to the “R” sound and also the “L” sound, depending on where it is placed. It’s actually more of a combined “rrrll” sound. (Hence, why Korea’s Tourism Organization’s choice to start the: “Korea, Sparkling” campaign stumps me. There is not a Korean I know that can pronounce it right. It ends up sounding like “Korea, Spahkuhring”.) So, on with the story.
Mom: How far along are you?
Preggo: About 12 weeks!
Mom: Your face is grlowing!
Preggo: (assuming my mom said, “Your face is growing”) Oh… yeah… um… it *is* getting rounder
Mom: Oh yes. Absolutely.
Me: OH MY GOD, NO. MY MOM MEANT GLOWING! GLOWING! NOT GROWING!
Preggo: Oh, thank goodness.
Mom: Thank you, Amy. Yes. Grlowing. That’s what I said.
Asian Case of Who’s on First?
I love my mom’s cooking. And she, like any Korean mom, loves to feed me. So:
Me: Mom, can you make me some cold noodles?
Mom: OK. Cucumbers I have.
Me: (correcting, gently) No, Mom. I have cucumbers.
Mom: Oh, you do?! Where?
Me: No, mom, YOU have cucumbers.
Mom: Then why did you say you did?
Me: (cradles head in hands)
Blue
Kids show up at my parents house for trick-or-treating. I absolutely love to see all the costumes.
My mom answers the door…
Mom: Oh! You are the blue men! The musical players!
Me: (walking to the door to see the kiddos) Um, no, Mom. Those are smurfs
Mom: (not phased) Eh. Same face.
Among The Things You Never Say To A Pregnant Woman
My mom and I were talking with a recently pregnant friend. She’s not sharing her pregnancy (yet!) so I won’t name names, but it is SUPER EXCITING. Some background: the Korean alphabet is an interesting one. The consonant named Reul (ㄹ) romanizes in English to the to the “R” sound and also the “L” sound, depending on where it is placed. It’s actually more of a combined “rrrll” sound. (Hence, why Korea’s Tourism Organization’s choice to start the: “Korea, Sparkling” campaign stumps me. There is not a Korean I know that can pronounce it right. It ends up sounding like “Korea, Spahkuhring”.) So, on with the story.
Mom: How far along are you?
Preggo: About 12 weeks!
Mom: Your face is grlowing!
Preggo: (assuming my mom said, “Your face is growing”) Oh… yeah… um… it *is* getting rounder
Mom: Oh yes. Absolutely.
Me: OH MY GOD, NO. MY MOM MEANT GLOWING! GLOWING! NOT GROWING!
Preggo: Oh, thank goodness.
Mom: Thank you, Amy. Yes. Grlowing. That’s what I said.
Asian Case of Who’s on First?
I love my mom’s cooking. And she, like any Korean mom, loves to feed me. So:
Me: Mom, can you make me some cold noodles?
Mom: OK. Cucumbers I have.
Me: (correcting, gently) No, Mom. I have cucumbers.
Mom: Oh, you do?! Where?
Me: No, mom, YOU have cucumbers.
Mom: Then why did you say you did?
Me: (cradles head in hands)
Blue
Kids show up at my parents house for trick-or-treating. I absolutely love to see all the costumes.
My mom answers the door…
Mom: Oh! You are the blue men! The musical players!
Me: (walking to the door to see the kiddos) Um, no, Mom. Those are smurfs
Mom: (not phased) Eh. Same face.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
OMG SHE'S POSTING!
Why, hello there.
Let's get rid of the awkward, "OMG I totally promise to post every day" antics.
Because I wont. But, after reading some other blogs, and sprinkling a few too long status posts in on my Facebook, I think it's time to start back up again.
(I missed you, too.)
So what's been going on since March of 2010? WELL, WELL, WELL, let's catch up, shall we? (Note: I did NOT lose my love affair with CAPSLOCK, clearly)
Well, let's go a little further back to when I came home from Iraq. I came home, lived with my manfriend at the time. We were shopping for SHINY, SPARKLY THINGS! But it never seemed quite right... It never seemed...destined. I came to a point where I realized I was indignantly refusing to change my beloved VA license to a NC license. Dodging, finding reasons not to go to the DMV, (Costco! Target! Drive to Raleigh to search for Asians!) until the day I slowly realized that I didn't want to live here. I realized that this was not for me. That place, that house, that man, that loneliness. All, not for me. I hated North Carolina, and it's homogeneous state. I hated who I was becoming there... some faux-housewife in a house that wasn't mine.
So, I left.
I wish I could say that I didn't look back. I did. I looked back and kept painfully rehashing the "marriage that could have been". The manfriend and I stayed together for too long. I got an opportunity to return to my old job, and snatched it right away. I got a 500 sqft studio in the town I loved so much. I went to Korea with our delegation, and met Mr. President. I got invited to the White House Christmas party. I took my mom as my date, and she most definitely wrapped up cookies in a napkin, and put them in her purse. While the President was speaking.
With all that was going on in my life, I just slowly stopped calling the manfriend. I let it slip away, because that's what needed to happen.
I buried myself at the new job. Taking on new responsibility, meeting important people, acting a fool the whole way. Wondering, constantly, "I can't believe they let me DO this stuff."
Then, the job took over my life. Alone (but not lonely), over worked, tired, constantly stressed from work, I decided that it was time to leave that job, too.
I had found a new job.
A job where I DON'T wonder why they hired me. A job where I feel like, "WHOA. I know what I'm doing." A job that makes me thankful when I watch TV specials about families on food stamps. A job that sent me to Hawaii for a week for work.
It wasn't soon after I got The New Job when I found out through a mutual friend that my ex-manfriend had gotten engaged to someone.
Who was an Asian girl. (like me.)
Who was in her late-twenties. (like me)
Who was also in the Air Force (like me)
Who was also a flight medic (like me)
Who, for all intensive purposes, was me, 4 years ago.
A part of me died. A part of me was angry, enraged.
But all of me didn't know why. I was the one who left. I was the one who finally said that words that we both didn't want to say for so long.
"We are not supposed to be together, no matter how much we want it to work."
But that didn't mean it was easy. I explained to a friend, that I was actually so heartbroken, that I was physically in pain.
But that's over now. The pain subsided, and now it's a dull ache that arises every now and then.
Reading through the (somewhat embarrassing) archives, I see that I am such a different person that I was when I started blogging a while ago. And that is such a good thing.
Don't worry, though. There will still be many, many Mom stories. She lives about 40 minutes away from me now, versus a 20 hour flight. So, that means there's a new story every weekend. Get pumped.
Let's get rid of the awkward, "OMG I totally promise to post every day" antics.
Because I wont. But, after reading some other blogs, and sprinkling a few too long status posts in on my Facebook, I think it's time to start back up again.
(I missed you, too.)
So what's been going on since March of 2010? WELL, WELL, WELL, let's catch up, shall we? (Note: I did NOT lose my love affair with CAPSLOCK, clearly)
Well, let's go a little further back to when I came home from Iraq. I came home, lived with my manfriend at the time. We were shopping for SHINY, SPARKLY THINGS! But it never seemed quite right... It never seemed...destined. I came to a point where I realized I was indignantly refusing to change my beloved VA license to a NC license. Dodging, finding reasons not to go to the DMV, (Costco! Target! Drive to Raleigh to search for Asians!) until the day I slowly realized that I didn't want to live here. I realized that this was not for me. That place, that house, that man, that loneliness. All, not for me. I hated North Carolina, and it's homogeneous state. I hated who I was becoming there... some faux-housewife in a house that wasn't mine.
So, I left.
I wish I could say that I didn't look back. I did. I looked back and kept painfully rehashing the "marriage that could have been". The manfriend and I stayed together for too long. I got an opportunity to return to my old job, and snatched it right away. I got a 500 sqft studio in the town I loved so much. I went to Korea with our delegation, and met Mr. President. I got invited to the White House Christmas party. I took my mom as my date, and she most definitely wrapped up cookies in a napkin, and put them in her purse. While the President was speaking.
With all that was going on in my life, I just slowly stopped calling the manfriend. I let it slip away, because that's what needed to happen.
I buried myself at the new job. Taking on new responsibility, meeting important people, acting a fool the whole way. Wondering, constantly, "I can't believe they let me DO this stuff."
Then, the job took over my life. Alone (but not lonely), over worked, tired, constantly stressed from work, I decided that it was time to leave that job, too.
I had found a new job.
A job where I DON'T wonder why they hired me. A job where I feel like, "WHOA. I know what I'm doing." A job that makes me thankful when I watch TV specials about families on food stamps. A job that sent me to Hawaii for a week for work.
It wasn't soon after I got The New Job when I found out through a mutual friend that my ex-manfriend had gotten engaged to someone.
Who was an Asian girl. (like me.)
Who was in her late-twenties. (like me)
Who was also in the Air Force (like me)
Who was also a flight medic (like me)
Who, for all intensive purposes, was me, 4 years ago.
A part of me died. A part of me was angry, enraged.
But all of me didn't know why. I was the one who left. I was the one who finally said that words that we both didn't want to say for so long.
"We are not supposed to be together, no matter how much we want it to work."
But that didn't mean it was easy. I explained to a friend, that I was actually so heartbroken, that I was physically in pain.
But that's over now. The pain subsided, and now it's a dull ache that arises every now and then.
Reading through the (somewhat embarrassing) archives, I see that I am such a different person that I was when I started blogging a while ago. And that is such a good thing.
Don't worry, though. There will still be many, many Mom stories. She lives about 40 minutes away from me now, versus a 20 hour flight. So, that means there's a new story every weekend. Get pumped.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Wow....6 months!
I'm totally not motivated to blog at this particular moment, but Jeff, the Verizon Guy, stopped by and gave me the beautiful gift of FiOS, so I'm obliged to post... a short one, at least.
I gave up Facebook for Lent (along with my beloved Hot Sauces), and I was planning on blogging... because about one week into it, I was feeling disconnected and stressed that "OMG, the 100 "friends" that I have from high school that I didn't really talk to in high school, nor have spoken to since high school, DON'T KNOW MY EVERY THOUGHT!"
Right. I'm sure they are experiencing withdrawal. Riiiight.
Anyway, I'll leave you with a special new Korean Momma story...
(I'm overseeing my parent's remodeling on their house while they are still in Korea)
Mom: Oh, make sure that you get the papers done before your father leaves.
Me: What paper??
Mom: You know... to make you the Powerful Eternity.
Me: *blink*... Do you mean Power of Attorney??
Mom: That's what I said!
Oh, Ummah. I'm so, so, so excited for you to come back home.
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